dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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