he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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