Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
