YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
