I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
