Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
