i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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