Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
