Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
