Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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