ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is Oprah even human
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
