3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
