why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
