The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am full of burrito and curiosity
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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