God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
