drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
