He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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