oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
