It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
