i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
third nipple confirmed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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