The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
