Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
