i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you never un-have a 4some
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
