I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
