i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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