This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
