I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
