She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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