The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
