My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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