I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
