Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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