I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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