Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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