I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
