I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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