Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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