I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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