Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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