Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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