I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
