Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
