I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
