I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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