There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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