Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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