party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
