Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
