she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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