Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
