I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
