So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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