I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
