I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
