His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
