I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
